Wednesday, January 17, 2007
~ Straight from the Heart ~
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Just the other day i was contemplating of being a single girl again.. Hah! I know i shouldn't be telling the whole world bout this especially since my bf and mother will be reading this entry the very minute i post it up..
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Firstly let me tell you why i was considering it ok! Well the last time i remember being carefree and single mingle was about 5 1/2 years ago.. So i guess i sort of forgotten how it feels like not having someone to depend on when i am in need... I do too realised that i'm turning 21 soon! And so wouldn't i still wanna enjoy myself and know more people and oogle at cute guys while i still can afford to? hah..
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Faisal and i was officially an item a week before i left for States and so i wasn't that sure what does he expect out of me other than the usual naggings about eating right and keeping myself warm. But i was still in doubt about the topic on me and the opposite sex, in another words; my relationship with other fellow guys.. Ok, i gotta admit that he's kinda like my first 'Malay' boyfriend (took a HUGE risk for falling for him ok! takut terdapat the 'mat' kind... haha! I also used to think that malay guys are sooo over protective and demanding.. No fun, would always take things so seriously! Would come out with 101 rules like 'what to wear!', 'who to talk to!', 'cannot go out with ur girlfrens today. maybe tomorrow..', 'what NOT to wear.' and stuffs like tat la... I heard that from some malay girls hor! haha.. But tu dulu eh.. now my perspective of malay guys change liao! But then i still think chinese guys and malay guys do differ.. won't elaborate b4 i get into much trouble!)
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So you see, when i'm here i'm introduced to many types of guys.. old, young, ugly and some even DAMN gorgeous... hehe! People here are open kan! When they introduce themselves, we shake hands.. When we meet people we know, we hug each other.. (hey bukan saya yang nak hug diorang eh.. it's just their custom i guess!) And when we dance, there's no seperate areas for guys and girls! And let's just say they are not shy like some guys back home..
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So here comes the problem! Everytime i meet a guy or go out with a bunch of them, at the back of my mind i'm thinking if i was considered cheating on my boyfriend... I felt so guilty! But den people around me are saying that i'm not married and therefore i have the freedom to do wadever i like.. Why must i be scared of my boyfriend? furthermore he's not here.. he's a gazillion miles away from me! Haiyo these ang moh ren too open and radical at times...
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But sometimes i think what they say is true... (people seem to influence me pretty easily.. no good liana!) I'm only 21.. I'll prolly get married like min. 6 years time! So am i supposed to abide by my bf rules frm now till like forever cause i'm sure when you get married you will have more responsibilities and you must look pretty and sexy only for your husband.. Tu, Ustaz Yana yang bilang tau! Sianz lor like that.. Haiz! why didn't Faisal ask me to be his gf later wen i turn 40 or something? By den i would be willing to follow his 101 rules.. hahahaha! Just kidding hunny...
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Yesterday was the day i confessed to him about that guilt feeling of mine... This stupid boy immediately tot i wanted him to let me go.. Kanasai! All this while i bully you, you never let me go... Idiot! Kalau orang lain, agaknya dier dah pukul Yana habis2 ah! hehe... GUESS what people.. I have the coolest boyfriend ever.. hahaha! He gave me this simple rule, do anything i want that pleases me BUT i must let him know.. Simple? Too simple i think... So i asked him "what's the catch?"... He said that he trusted me and he knows that i know my limits... Wah lao! Like that he make me more guilty lor... hahaha!
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But i think that's the best answer anyone can ever give me.. I so de love him lor! hah... Of course i noe my limits! I may not be the best example of a muslim girl but i try day after day to get my acts right. (kalau awak nak tahu, Faisal kalau dah start ceramah dier on our religion, he sounded just like my ayah who is an ustaz and an imam masjid.. scary kan? hehe) As someone elses gf, i do know what's wrong and right when dealing with the opposite sex.. N i'm glad Faisal is pretty open.. he knows i have many guy frens and peminat! muahahaha... kidding la..
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But at the end of the day, like he always say i'm still his... Even when the going gets tough, he's always there waiting for me! full of encouragement, love and his never ending naggings.. hehe! But it's ok, gf dier nag sepuluh kali more than him.. =) I'm also trying not to compare him too much with other guys.. Sometimes i do think that he's too perfect for me and my family and that we don't deserve someone like him! But he's here, standing firmly as my boyfriend, patient, loving, supporting and trusting me wholeheartedly while i'm still learning to fall in love again.. i'm doing pretty good at the moment~! One day, i'll be a PERFECT girlfriend to Mohd. Faisal.. But till den, let's bully him more! Muahahahahaha...
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Love ya hunny! And to ibu, please don't worry about us hor.. we're 21 soon! we know how to fight and get back together again.. We promise not to cause so much ruckus in the house.. =) (but sometimes i find it unfair when you always blame me as the one who started the fight first.. Kan kena side anak awak dulu!) haha! Love ya ibu.. Thank you for your support too!
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This entry was pretty sudden.. But i'm glad i wrote it!
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good nite people~~!
9:59 PM